I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
