I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
