the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
