we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
