Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
