he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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