Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize