I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
