i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
