I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
