u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
