perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
