When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
