he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
