Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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