then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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