Already got asked if we're dating
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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