I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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