I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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