His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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