Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
