My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
