How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
