i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
