Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your cock deserves a montage
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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