I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
