Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sarcasm needs its own font
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
