Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
