so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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