so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
