To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
