Soap is not a condiment
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
