im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
