the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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