Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
