allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
