So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
