I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
