What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
