woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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