I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
