dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
