I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
