i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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