omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
