Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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