the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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