Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
