I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
