its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
