at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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