Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
