Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
